You Don’t Define Me!

What happens when you start saying no instead of yes? What happens when you begin to stand up for yourself? (whether you’re at the job, or standing in line at the store) what happens when you begin to put yourself first?

After a rough few months of transitioning (moving, motherhood, starting a new job, ministry, and feeling worn out) these questions began to plague me. What was I thinking? Did I really think I could survive this move? The decision to leave a marriage? Being a single mom again? All I could think was ” Now what God?”

My whole life I’ve always been concerned about the other. Instead of evaluating my own needs, mental health, and healing process, I was constantly trying to please everyone else. Have you ever been in that boat?

Maybe the kids drive you crazy? Maybe your boss and coworkers always ride your back? Maybe you put more into your friendships than your friends do? Maybe you go the extra mile in your relationship while your partner does the minimum?. Whatever it is, stop it! Stop it dead in its tracks!

It is completely freeing and wonderful to say things such as; no, that doesn’t work for me, or I don’t like how that makes me feel. We have the right to have standards and to be treated with respect. This concept was a hard one and a tough lesson for me to learn. God said to me, daughter how can I give you more if you aren’t prepared to receive it? Ouch right?!

Usually, if you’re a doormat in one area of your life, the other areas will reflect that as well. Just recently I discovered that I have a problem. I have a problem with expressing my needs and being a doormat. Can you relate?

My kids have a way of making me feel guilty whenever I say no. So for years I would just cave in. But after much healing and God’s beautiful touch, I’ve learned that I am only one person and that I absolutely try my best.

That’s what life is all about right? Simply doing our best. Life is messy, complex, mysterious, abrupt, cold, warm, and much more. We as mere humans will never fully understand God’s ways, plans, and infinite designs for man in this world. All we can do is live it to the fullest.

As I nestle into my new apartment, with a whole new outlook on life as a single mom and a soon to be divorcée, I can’t help but to think about what’s next and all of the possibilities before me. God always has a plan for our lives to prosperous us and not to harm us. So I set my eyes on Him. Nothing no longer defines me. God is my everything!

This new and profound revelation has been exhilarating. When we have freedom in Christ and live by His grace and Mercy, we no longer allow others to define our lives and who we are. Expectations are reasonable. I no longer have the desire to argue. I no longer look at what the other has. I now look to Jesus. I don’t know about you, but my days of being defined and controlled by others is over. I am in charge of my happiness. How about you?

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